Asthma Inhalers and Tattoo Guns
by Angelgracedemonicsmoke
Summary: In which Dean is a Hunter (re: RPG monster killer) and Cas is an Angel of the Lord (re: high ranking gang member.) And they are stuck in Hell aka Lawrence High School, where Satan is principal. - And the apocalypse? Well, it's happening. Except this time Chuck's warning isn't to hoard toilet paper.


_Fuck Metadick. Fuck him over with a crossroads demon._

 _Jesus Christ. Why the fuck was he put in with the nerd squad?_

 _Castiel freakin' Novak can not be here._

 _Winchester is lame as fuck and he should not be here._

 **ONE ;**

"And now, working on the semester long presentation, group three's unit of Religion versus Lore, will be the students: Castiel Novak, Charlie Bradbury, Dean Winchester, Garth Fitzgerald IV, and Jo Harvelle," Metatron proclaimed with his usual flare. Around him, the five students groaned simultaneously- actually, to be clear, Castiel muttered 'holy fuck' under his breath before he did, indeed, groan.

Castiel rubbed his temples, the blue electric shock of his bangs moving as he did so. "Metatron, you will highly regret it if you pair me up with _them_ ," he seethed.

Dean snorted in return, pushing his glasses up as he did so since freakin' Luke Skywalker they were always slipping. Then, clearing his throat he addressed the teen across the room. "Frankly," Dean began in his I _could be hunting demons right now_ tone, "I do not wish to be paired up with such an ignoramus myself." Crossing his arms over his chest, his gaze narrowed at the arrogant, obnoxious, punk.

Metatron sighed heavily, wondering why he thought it would be a good idea to pair up the two— no matter if it was in a larger group. Even the teachers knew Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak hated each other. He glanced up slightly, ducking behind a copy of Virgil to see... Oh, dear.

Fuckin' Winchester. Castiel was smirking slightly, twirling the silver stud in his lip as he listened to nerdy talk shit about him. And of course, he could honestly careless until the complete assbutt brought up something that was not cool.

"— He loves guinea pigs!" Dean screeched, not to be discouraged by the large paper ball chucked at his head. "And, and, he's obsessed with..." Before he could finish, Castiel had hurled a paper ball straight at his face. Dean sputtered, exclaiming, "You hit like a freakin' D-list spirit!" And duh, 'course he was referencing _Supernatural,_ worldwide phenomenon for the first horror RPG ever.

Castiel tilted his head, very much confused but mostly pissed off. "The fuck are you saying nerdy?" He demanded, voice a near damn growl.

But instead of Dean answering all he got was Metatron screaming, "DETENTION!" in his face. And then, the English teacher just had to shove his feet from the desk he'd been leaning on. Castiel had good balance. He did. But everyone got er, caught off guard sometimes. As he stumbled to the floor, tearing a hole in his black trenchcoat _oh, that fuckin' assbutt,_ all he could hear was Winchester howling with laughter.

"I'll give you something to laugh about freckles," He spat, intense blue eyes narrowing at the other teen. Getting up from the floor, Castiel dusted off his trenchcoat. Ugh, if he was just given one chance to punch Winchster right in the face he would die a damn happy man. In return to his death glare the nerd had responded by sticking out his tongue. And that was when a slim redhead practically jumped on his fucking back.

"Come on Castiel, we all gotta get along," she told cheerfully. Whipping his head around Castiel looked left and right to find the animated girl still clinging to him. "Holy shit," he breathed out. "Will you get the fuck off?" The teen demanded, attempting to use his hands to pry her off. Now he could see that everyone had began to part into their groups which explained the redhead annoyance.

"Er, Charlie?" Asked one of the nerd squad kids carefully. "We should probably start working on the project. So you uh, you got to get off Castiel Novak." The scrawny dude, who he remembered after a moment was named Garth, pronounced his name with a tinge of fear behind it. Good. He smirked at that.

Under her breath Charlie huffed. Reluctantly, she climbed off the teen's back. "Ooookay," the redhead stated after a moment, plopping down on the floor. She pulled out a Harry Potter themed notebook and flipped through it enthusiastically. "I call group leader," Charlie proclaimed, already jotting down that and a few other notes from what Castiel could see.

About to object, because having the Queen of Geeks leading their project would lead to nothing good, when of fucking course Dean Winchester had to interrupt his thoughts. "I think Charlie would be an awesome group leader," he agreed, moving to sit down on the floor next to her. It was only him and the scrawny dude still standing.

"Charlie can lead, yeah," a blonde girl, who seemed just as excited as the rest of the nerd squad about the project, was now sitting on top of his desk. This possessive flare went off in the teen. It was stupid as hell, but he had carved up that same desk since the beginning of this school year. And after Metatron realized how pointless attempting to get him to stop was he had simply been allowed to mark it up however he liked. Clearing his throat, Castiel decided to point this out. "You're sitting on my desk," he told gruffly. He was an artist, damn it! Those angel wings hadn't been easy to make.

Instead of the apology he figured the blond would give, because shit yeah, Castiel knew he freaked people out he got nerdy laughing in his face. "Why can't Jo sit there?" Winchester questioned rudely.

Castiel grit his teeth. "Does it matter? It's my fuckin' desk," he told back. Voice rough, he made sure to intimidate the hell out of nerdy.

"Because you defaced it," Dean snickered. "Like the delinquent you are," he added with a shit eating grin. In response the punk seemed ready to deck him. He could give a fuck less though, with a mom like Mary Winchester he had learned to hold his own.

Jo intervened, sticking one slim arm out between the two who looked ready to pounce on each other. "As much as I _love_ watching the sexual tension between you two we do have work to do," she commented dryly. Much to her and Charlie's delight the teens' face heated up a bright red shade.

Sexual tension? Between him— and nerdy? Castiel could hardly believe it. His eyes were wide in shock. Sure, yeah, Winchester had those freckles. And underneath those ugly glasses he knew from experience were these gorgeous fucking emeralds. Yeah his nose looked adorable when he wrinkled it, or when he began sputtering and blushing. Just like, fuck, just like the teen was doing now. With a huff he forced himself to shove these thoughts down. Like fucking Hell he'd ever let Winchester know he found the nerd… attractive.

As the punk continued silently brooding or whatever major assholes did, Dean immediately protested against the _sexual tension_ that Jo claimed they had. "We- we do not!" He began loudly. Blood filled his mouth from how hard he had bitten down on his lip. Dean swallowed down hard. "Cas and I—" oh fuck, did he just say his childhood nickname out loud "—We uh, we are like…" He fumbled for words. "Asymptotes, okay? We don't touch, ever." Wow did that sound a lot less sexual in his head.

Cas was looking up at him now, all that fucking blue directed right at him. "Translate that into English, nerdy." His voice was deep like he had gargled shattered glass all his life. In that moment Dean really, truly wondered if the teen had a secret job doing audio porn.

Asymptotes. A line that a graph approaches more and more closely but never touches. Castiel had learned the basics of geometry in damn middle school. Of course he would rather be stabbed with an angel blade then tell nerdy that. So he played stupid. Admittedly Winchester's explanation was better than the one he had in his head. A bit more technical and with that smugness that made Castiel want to beat the freckles off his fucking face. And maybe gouge out those green eyes, too.

Behind the homicidal teen someone cleared their throat. "Can you guys stop with the constant eye sex for like, three seconds? I got to assign the group's roles." Charlie prided herself on her ability to be blunt. And right now her blunt attitude was obviously needed because otherwise the entire class hour would be wasted by Dean and Castiel staring at each other the entire time.

* * *

When Dean was 13, this was when he first discovered the start of something truly awesome. Mom had made him go down to get groceries since Sam apparently had to have some kinda crap-tastic cereal for the morning. Kid was going through a dog phase, _when was Sammy not_ , and demanded that he had the dog shaped marshmallows with bone shaped cereal pieces. It was all stupid considering when he'd dragged the box back it had been a firm 'no, Dean, I like the healthy kind now.' Whatever the hell that was supposed to mean.

Supernatural probably would have found him regardless if he hadn't heard the two guys talking about it outside Ralph's. As it was when he saw two guys in matching Star Trek shirts and one wearing actual Spock ears he valued their conversation. So Dean eavesdropped, and he was so freakin' glad he did.

All his life Dean had been obsessed with horror. He craved it, loved the tales of monsters in the night. He'd been reading R.L Stein at seven and H.P Lovecraft at ten, because mom still hadn't let him read his first Stephen King until he was twelve. "It'll scare you, Dean," she had lectured him. "You'll get nightmares." When really, all that had happened was Dean had the biggest crush on Carrie and always took more interest in dogs afterward.

Next came Sammy. Maybe 'cause the bitch admired him, growing up reading his old Monster Mash comic collection and helping him put together The Journal. They'd taken it from the garage when Dean was seven; a thick, leather journal that had been owned by their dad. And okay, maybe considering his brother was three at the time it had been all his idea. But, Sammy had cooed at the werewolf pictures and the crude drawing of demons he added. Now the thirteen year old was his hunting partner in the game, where they kicked some major ass.

So yeah, a RPG game (something Dean already loved very much if his visits to Moondoor when he LARPed were any clue) that revolved around the massive world of all the things that went bump in the night? Count him in.

And he got to play as a Hunter, similar to when he played 'Hunters and Monsters' with fake guns and a Powerwheels Chevy until he was five. Bitch had sat in his passenger seat ever since he could sit up without drooling on the plastic seats. Since, even when he was a little kid Dean had been a car freak.

Currently Dean was sitting cross-legged on his bunk bed. A fact he hated very much. The bunk bed, not sitting, because it reminded him of... someone. But the thing was awesome for storage, especially considering all the geek memorabilia Dean owned. Head set on Dean powered up his Xbox Live and waited for the rest of Team Free Will to get their asses online.

* * *

"What's up bitch?" That was Charlie. Ever the enthusiastic greeting. Laughing slightly, Dean pressed a combo to make Impala67 wave on the screen.

"Hey Charlie," Dean was still chuckling into the headset, glancing at his best friend's character on screen. Moondoor Queen had long red locks of fire similar to her real life counterpart.

Charlie's character shook her head, thick curls swaying as she did so. "Dude I still can't believe what happened in English," she laughed.

Immediately he knew what she was referring to. Charlie had assigned the partners in the group, pairing him with fucking Castiel Novak of all people. It had frustrated the hell outta him, because this was his best friend, but the girl had insisted. 'You two _are_ the best to write the essay.' The punk hadn't thought so. At first he'd been calm, going up to Metadick and simply asking to be assigned to another group. And then when he'd been told no, Cas had gone insane. Recalling the memory, Dean confessed, " 'M almost screamed Christo and threw holy water in his face."

"I think that'd probably be below his pay roll." On screen Charlie sat on a rock; the rural grounds surrounding them the typical waiting place for Team Free Will. Occasionally they encountered a few demons, but considering the ranking of their guild that's nothin'.

Slumped against another group of rocks, Dean chuckled at his friend's response. It made sense. If demons truly did exist Cas would definitely be a high ranking one. "Then I'd have to use a devil's trap before exorcising his ass," he told in thought. His hand gripped his rock salt gun tightly as they waited, prepared to shoot a few rounds into any demon that came close.

"Who are we exorcising?" A voice asked loudly. That was when a noise from his Xbox went off, indicating that another member of their guild had arrived. Doctor Badass, as Ash's character was called, had approached the two back in the game.

Huh. Not having expected the teen Dean threw his arms out widely on screen gesturing for a hug. "Man I thought you're parents took all the gaming shit you had," he exclaimed.

Ash shook his head. "Nah, I managed to convince them it wasn't mine." His friend was notorious for his use of pot, something he had screamed at the teen for considering how strict of parents he had. Their guild was in the top ten ranking; they could not lose considering _Supernatural's_ first competition happened in a month. And without one of their guild members they'd be screwed.

"Thank fuck, it'd suck if we lost for somethin' as lame as getting grounded," Dean voiced his concern out loud.

Sheepishly, Ash rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah I know. But all good. Promise."

Charlie turned a look of steel on the guilty teen. "I swear Ash if you get caught I will load your C-drive full of old lady porn," she threatened. He held up his hands in defense. Dean snickered at the two. Now they were waiting for Garth, Jo, and 'course Sammy to show up.

On screen Jo and Garth ran up, their characters covered in blood. That was another thing Dean loved about the game, how completely realistic it was. But shit, by the look of the two they'd definitely lost some life points. Jo's name Miss BAMF flashing across the screen accompanied by TheFizzle as they approached.

"What happened?" Dean asked in shock. Usually yeah, a few lone members of Team Free Will ran into something. Nothin' this bad though. Three deep cuts ran down Jo's collarbone; her face caked in dirt and grime. Garth didn't look much better.

Gritting her teeth, it took a moment for the blond to speak. And when she did she only managed to pant out, "Some new type of monster the game released. Nearly took a chomp outta my arm. Gruesome as hell," she looked over at Garth for support. Hand rubbing her temple, Jo asked, "What were those fuckers called again?"

"Leviathans," he supplied with his own voice short of breath. "I'm guessing Edlund isn't playing around on who'll be competitors at the convention."

A feminine snort sounded close to Dean's ear. "Yeah then when we were fighting them Garth tripped on a damn rock," Jo told the group, nodding at the brunette.

Immediately the scrawny teen protested, "Not my fault my coordination in the game is just as bad as real life!" Garth winced slightly as he talked, holding his side. "I wish there was a way to bring Mr. Fizzles here…" he trailed off. Everyone groaned at the idea of the sock puppet.

That was when a thought occurred to Dean. "Hey Jo?" His tone wasn't near as urgent as the thoughts going off in his head.

"Yeah?" Ash stood by the blond, handing her a health pack from his inventory. Him and Charlie always had a ton of shit, mainly because in their down time they hacked the game. Oddly enough Edlund encouraged the behavior despite complaints of other players.

"The uh, leviathans, you guys did kill 'em right?" Dean replaced his gun with a machete as he talked, lethal enough to cut through bone and flesh.

Jo and Garth shared a look. "These things aren't easily killed." She blew out a breath in frustration. "But I think we got them, you have to hack off their heads like vamps," she explained.

Gripping his machete in hand, he tapped it against his thigh in thought. Considering what Edlund usually made up that sounded relatively… decent. Not the typical fucked up psycho flesh eating monster shit he was used to. "Yeah. I'm guessin' you didn't really kill them," Sighing heavily, Dean squinted his eyes to look into the distance. "Maybe stalled them at best," he added.

"Great," Jo threw her hands up in exasperation. "Anyone researching how to kill these bastards?"

After a few seconds Charlie's hand shot in the air to catch their attention. "So far my research has completely sucked," she admitted, pouting slightly. "It seems we are the first guild to encounter a leviathan."

Loud clapping filled the air. "Awesome guys," Ash muttered. Underneath his arm were five other blades which he handed to each member. Dean gestured to his second weapon. "It's for Sam," he clarified.

At the mention of his brother the group perked up. "Where is the little guy anyways?" Garth asked; one hand wrapped around his machete.

Shrugging, Dean answered, "I dunno man. He's been ditching us for homework lately." He scowled at the thought. "So much for partners for life," he finished with a huff. He knew it was lame, yeah, that he wanted to hang out with his little brother. But they'd always been close 'cept now Sammy seemed to care about damn school more than his own brother.

Soft brown eyes met his own. "I'm sure he'll come around, Dean," Jo told gently. Fidgeting under the full blown pity party in front of him he waved it off.

"Yeah. 'M sure," Dean grumbled.

notes-

Hey! This is my first Destiel fanfiction. I wanted to create an AU that still paid homage to a lot of canon, and this is what I came up with as a result. Enjoy!

Feel free to review with feedback, or leave a favorite if you like. It is much appreciated. xxx


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